NEVERWINTER! The Musical
by shadow0015
Summary: Summary- Neverwinter has been ravished by the plague and the Great Hero Cire Namerof (Eric Foreman- transcribed) has been summoned to save the city. But he's succumb by overwhelming odds and a group of adventures come to his aid...
1. Default Chapter

**OKAY I DON'T OWN NOTHING BUT MY OWN INSANE LITTLE MIND. NWN, BALDUR'S GATE, SHREK, THAT 70'S SHOW,D-12, AND ANYTHING ELSE THAT I USE IN THIS STORY BELONGS TOTHEIR PROSPECTIVE CREATOR. **

**_Summary- Neverwinter has been ravished by the plague and the Great Hero Cire Namerof (Eric Foreman- transcribed) has been summoned to save the city. But he's succumb by overwhelming odds and a group of adventures come to his aid..._**

Aribeth looked around at the carnage as Fenthick and Desther stood in the barn, mouth open ajar. The Princely Hero, Cire Namerof's spiked brown hair and big brown eyes stood at attention as the Paladin of Tyr approached the trio.

"What in blue blazes happened here?" Aribeth said with a clenched fist.

Desther beat everyone to the punch, "It was the boy. The idiot arrived to late. He is utterly useless."

Cire smile, showcasing his brillant white teeth, "I am here to prove myself to my bride, the Fair Princess Donnia."

Magically Donnia's head, crowned with beautiful red locks and a pair of light green eyes, manifested above the group saying, "Cire, I swear that if you don't save that town…"

Fenthick interjected, "We are a city actually…"

"Does it look like I care?" the magical head said, "Save the city or you're going to end up marrying that Fiona girl."

Cire looked into a mirror, smiling at his own appearance.

"CIRE!" Screamed the princess, "Get the hell to work before I put my size twelve…I mean two up your poop shoot!"

"Okay, okay. I'll save this friggin' city," Cire said waving his hands in the air and tossing his head back and forth, "Now, Lady Aribeth, my light saber."

"Ah…you not a Jedi Knight. I think your character sheet says you're…" Aribeth peeks over the screen, "Level One Fighter. And why in squally Cromyr did you put 17 points in Charisma…"

"Look at me babe." Cire did his Runway Pose, "I'm a prince for Heaven's Sake and I'm the most gorgeous if you ask E-Squire Online…"

"I thought you lost to Charming…" Donnia said as her head magically disappeared.

"I'll smite the foul fiend that…that…what did the foul fiend do?" Cire asked.

"The Waterdhavian creatures, the plague and don't forget summoning you here," Desther said.

"Aye yes, it all comes back to me now." The prince said as he grabbed the door handle, forgetting to pull the door and ran smack into a solid wooden doorway.

Fenthick looked at Aribeth and said, "What are we going to do now? Our city's only hope has suffered a massive concussion and is more incapacitated then when he first arrived here…"

Aribeth stood up straight as the sound of a soft playing paino began to play behind her, " I guess," she said slowly as she reached off screen and grabbed a microphone, "I need a HERO!" Aribeth begins to sing...

_**"Where have all the good men gone  
And where are all the gods?  
Where's the street-wise Halueth  
To fight the rising odds?  
Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed?  
Late at night toss and turn and dream of what I need"**_

_Fenthick and Desther Join in the Chorus_  
_**We need a hero  
We're holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night  
He's gotta be strong  
And he's gotta be fast  
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight  
We need a hero  
We're holding out for a hero 'til the morning light  
He's gotta be sure  
And it's gotta be soon  
And he's gotta be larger than life**_

_Aribeth begins to sing alone_

**_"Somewhere after midnight  
In my wildest fantasy  
Somewhere just beyond my reach  
There's someone reaching back for me  
Racing on the thunder and rising with the heat  
It's gonna take a superman to sweep me off my feet"_**

_Fenthick and Desther Join in the Chorus  
__**We need a hero  
We're holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night  
He's gotta be strong  
And he's gotta be fast  
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight  
We need a hero  
We're holding out for a hero 'til the morning light  
He's gotta be sure  
And it's gotta be soon  
And he's gotta be larger than life**_

_Fenthick sings_

**_"Up where the mountains meet the heavens above  
Out where the lightning splits the sea  
I would swear that there's someone somewhere  
Watching me"_**

_Desther sings_

**_"Through the wind and the chill and the rain  
And the storm and the flood  
I can feel his approach  
Like the fire in my blood"_**

_Fenthick and Desther Join in the Chorus  
__**We need a hero  
We're holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night  
He's gotta be strong  
And he's gotta be fast  
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight  
We need a hero  
We're holding out for a hero 'til the morning light  
He's gotta be sure  
And it's gotta be soon  
And he's gotta be LARGER THAN LIFE...**_

As the organ dies down four odd people run on to the stage...

_Tomi sings_

**_"I be your hero._**

**_I came from Calmishan in the veil of the night._**

**_Boink some guy's daughter and now I run to find this guy that I know'll write_**

**_My freedom pardon!_**

**_I never ever stray from what I know's is right"_**

_Desther sings_

_**"Oh yeah right**_."

_Tomi sings_

_**"I promise to I'll never touch a dame that's not mine**_

_**Well, not until the time'll be fine.**_

_**So, I'll try to save this time from this strife…"**_

_Linu comes half running, half tripping_

_**"I not a hero…**_

_**But I need to find refuge from the cat lady that I gave a great fright**_

_**I've got the blessing of Moonbow, I'm holy and blameless though I'm a bit trite**_

_**As far as Clerics!**_

_**I'll never ever back down from a tough fight."**_

_Desther sings_

_**"Clerics are always right"**_

_Linu sings_

_**"I promise I didn't mean to break that cat's tail, I'm alibi'ed**_

_**Well I they might not remember things without sight**_

_**So, I'll try to save this town from this strife…"**_

_Daelen slashes the door were Cire was lying in front probably causing more damage_

_**"Red Tiger Hero!**_

_**I'm a half-orc barbarian, yeah boy, that's right**_

_**I'm stronger and faster and better than anyone that I'll face in a fight**_

_**Cause they're all zeros**_

_**And the blood that runs through me will just make me delight"**_

_Desther sings_

**_"I think that his butt hair is white"_**

_DRT continues to sing_

**_"I promise I'll break 'em in half with all of my berserker might_**

**_They should just come to clean now than try to hide_**

**_Cause, I'll save this town for this strife…"_**

_Sharwyn saunters in a cool red leather armor and shiny black boots_

_**"I AMYOUR HERO!**_

_**Brave and vociferous and I even have Amazon height**_

_**Unrivaled in combat, unsanctioned in deeds and I'm never left with a blight!**_

_**Cause I'myour HERO!**_

_**Fame is the foremost important thing in my sight"**_

_Desther sings_

_**"I'll try to get her number tonight"**_

_Sharwyn sings_

_**"When I find this villain all will know I'm adroit**_

_**Since I'm saving this town from all This STRIFE!**_

_**CAUSE I'M LARGER THAN LIE-EYE-IFE…"**_

Aribeth looks at this strange menagerie, "So, it seems that when I ask Tyr for something he gives me more than I need…"

Desther laughed and said, "This reminds me of a joke, what do an Elf, a Bard, an Orc and a cheeky halfling have in common…"

They all shrugged their shoulders, "We don't know."

"THEY AREN'T HEROES!" He laughed and disappeared.

"That was weird," said Fenthick. "I guess he had urgent business."

Aribeth stepped onto a plinth that appeared out of nowhere, "Remember…they make take our Beggar's Nest but they'll take our Recall Stones!" She screamed and tossed the rocks and hit all four of them in the head, "Now go get me those CREATURES!"

* * *

Okay, so the plot is set. The opening curtain falls and the four heroes need money to fund this expedition. But how would a group of singing warriors make some quick dough... 

LATERZ.


	2. Introducing the Band

_AN- Thanks for all the great reviews. I don't really know why I'm writing this story...I probably have been reading to many arrowmaker stories. LOL. Anyway I just want to say that EERYONE will be very OOC in this Chapter. That was a joking. Nevermind you'll get it after you read it. I think I might have to raise the rating (tell me if you think so) but anyway, Here's The Goods!_

**Introducing The Band**

Sharwyn looks at the half-orc, elf and the halfling (who was looking at looking around her left side trying to get a good view of her rear end). She spoke as they walked down the roads of City's Core, "We really need to make so gold and really quick."

Tomi said, "Maybe we could pimp you and Linu out. Ya know the people need some inspiration…"

Sharwyn slapped him in the back of the head Moe-style. He attempted to poke her in the eyes but couldn't reach.

"Could someone give an halfling a little help…" just as he said that a short little guy with no hair came walking up…

"**_I don't know dude…"_** He spoke as another voice came from behind him.

He was a gnome with sly looking eyes, **_"_****_I think everyone's all jealous and cuz you're like the lead singer of the band dude..._**

Baldy continued, **_"And I think everyone's got a friggin problem with me dude...  
And they need to take it up with me after the show..."_**

"What show, Grimgraw…" the gnome asked.

"I said to call Shady, dude." The dark eyed guy said as he held his hand up.

"My bad, holmes. I forgot we'z be getting ready to bust our flow down at the Tavern, right? But what about the other guys…they bounced on us?" Shady looked at him with sharp eyes, "Fa-niz-ole"

Linu eyes opened wide as she raced over to the two and nearly crashed into the pair but pulled out leaving a cloud of dust into the air, "I'm think we could help you out."

Grim looked at his friend, "Can you flow?"

Linu aka (Kuniva) took at step back singing,

"_**I'm a little bit off the chain, you can call me insane, but the fact remains  
That I'm a psycho  
Better get it through your brain, when you say my name, never say it in vain  
Cause I'm a psycho"**_

Daelen aka Bizarre leaped forward

"_**Am I insane? Who really knows, cause any second my temper can fucking  
Blow, I get colder than December, black the fuck out, tomorrow won't even remember"**_

Tomi aka Swifty

**_I'm a motherfuckin omen, I bow down to no man, I'll split any man open,  
Killing folks compulsive, a soldier wit a motive, scrotum big as boulders,_**  
Sharwyn aka Kon Artist

"_**We all soldiers, we move as a unit, we all roll up, show up at your residence  
And torch your front door up, get scared, life ain't fair, and I'm prepared to blast ya"**_

Grim Shady said, "Welcome to my band."

"Grim ah, Shady, I thought it was **our** band. Don't go and get a big head…that's why those other guys bailed…"

"Awright, our band but I'm still the lead singer." He said as grabbed for the four sheets of paper and handed them to the gnome, "Proof! Gives these to the scrubs!"

Tomi looked at the paper, "How much ya be paying for this gig?"

_**XOXOXO**_

Aribeth looked around at the dying bodies in the Halls of Justice as Fenthick's eyes gazed upon her, "I can't do it. I can't do anything for these people…"

"It's not your place to save everyone…"

"But it is. A paladin's work is never done," she said as she prepared to cast more healing spells over the sore covered bodies.

Fenthick grabbed her twisted her to his face…

"**_You must remember this  
A kiss is still a kiss  
A sigh is still (just) a sigh  
The fundamental things apply  
As time goes by"_**

He kissed her tenderly. "You aren't Tyr. You mustn't work so hard."

Aribeth looked at him, "But…"

He began to serenade her again…

**_"And when two lovers woo  
They still say: "i love you"  
On that you can rely  
No matter what the future brings  
As time goes by"_**

Fenthick said, "I love you, Ari." And he wrapped his arms around her.

She kissed him back now and she began to sing back to him…

**_"Moonlight and love songs - never out of date  
Hearts full of passion - jealousy and hate  
Woman needs man - and man must have his mate  
That no one can deny"_**

She grabbed him back, passionately and their lips meet sending sparks down their spines and together they sang…

**_"It's still the same old story  
A fight for love and glory  
A case of do or die  
The world will always welcome lovers  
As time goes by"_**

_**XOXOXO**_

The stage was bright and hot as the six figures stood still as the fog mist started to subdue and the track started to roll and Grimgraw, I mean Grim Shady, grabbed his mic singing the chorus…

**_"These chicks don't even know the name of my band...  
But they're all on me like they wanna hold hands...  
Cuz once I blow they know that I'll be the man...  
All because I'm the lead singer of my band..."_**

The lights exploded into a kaleidoscope of colors as them rest of the group danced about and he began to rap

**_"So I get off stage right and drop the mic  
Walk up to the hot chicks and I'm all like  
"What's up ladies, my name's Grim Shady"  
I'm the lead singer in this group, baby  
They're all like "Oh my god it's him"  
"Becky oh my friggin' god it's Grim"  
"I swear to friggin Tyr dude you friggin rock"  
"Please won't you please let me suck your -"  
And by now the rest of the fellas get jealous  
Especially when I drop the beat and do my A CAPPELLAS!"_**

As he said this the full tavern began to scream but Grim keep his composure and continued

"_**All the chicks start yellin', all the hot babes  
Throw their bras and panties on stage  
So like every single night they pick a fight with me  
But when we fight it's kinda like siblin rivalry  
Cuz they're back on stage the next night with me  
Dude I just think you're tryin' ta steal the light from me  
Yesterday Kuniva (Linu waves her hand) tried to pull a knife on me  
Because I told her Selune Moonbow's my wife to be  
This rock star shit, it's the life for me  
And all the other guys just despise me b…"**_

Every began to sing to sing the chorus

**_"These chicks don't even know the name of my band...  
But they're all on me like they wanna hold hands...  
Cuz once I blow they know that I'll be the man...  
All because I'm the lead singer of my band...  
My band, my band (the words began to repeat and fade)  
_**  
Tomi pushes Grim off the stage as he steals the mic from him. Shady is very welcomed in the crowd as everyone begins to grope him. Tomi raps…  
**_"You just wanna see a halfling backwards don't you  
Hey dawg how come we don't rap on pro tours  
Smash these vocals and do a performance  
But we on the donkeys and he on the tour steed  
You don't want my autograph, you's a liar  
And no I'm Swift (oh I thought you was Kuniva)  
What the hell is wrong with that dressing room  
Cuz my shit is lookin smaller than a decimal  
See I know how to rap, see it's simple but  
All I did was read a Russell Simmons book  
So I'm more intact, tryin ta get on the map  
Doin' jumpin jacks while get whipped on my back  
_**  
Sharwyn and Linu clap their hands together as they begin to rap…  
Shar-**_"Look hi,m little punk ass thinkin' he's it  
Yeah I know man find himself takin on a flick_**

Linu**_-Hey I thought we had an interview with DJ Nasher  
(Shady: No I had an interview not you two)  
_**Linu-**_You gonna be late for soundcheck  
_**Sharwyn-**_Man I ain't goin' to soundcheck  
_**Linu-**_But our mics are screwed up and his always sound best  
_**Sharwyn-**_You know what man I'ma say somethin  
_**Linu**_-Hey yo Grim  
(Grim: You got somethin to say!)  
_**Sharwyn-**_Man no  
_**Linu-**_I thought you bout to tell him off, man what's up  
_**Sharwyn**_-Man I'ma tell him when I feel like it, man shut up  
And you ain't even back me up when we s'posed to be crew  
_**Linu-**_I was bout to talk right after you  
I swear, I swear man  
_**  
Bloody as Proof sits on the edge of the stage as Grim is still dancing with the crowd and raps…

"_**They say the lead singers rock, but the group does not  
Once we sold out arenas to the amusement park  
I'm gonna let the world know that Proof is hot  
I Should cut his mic off when the music starts  
Ready to stab a dumbass fan  
Every time I hear (Hey dude I love your band)  
We ain't a band, ilbrith, we don't play instruments  
So why's he get 90 and we only get 10 percent  
And these guys they can find every area code  
(Grim: Proof help my on stage)  
Get up on your own**_

**_Can't never make it to the stage, security in my way  
(Who the fuck are you? Where's Bizz and Beth!)  
_**  
Daelen as Bizarre stands in the middle of the stage with his hands in the air and begins to rap…

"_**God dammit I'm sick of this group  
Time for me to go solo and make some loot  
I told you I made the beats and wrote all the raps  
Till Kon Artis showed me her rack  
Every damn show…I was in the back  
This damn show… I was in the back  
Fuck the media, I got some suggestions  
Fuck Grim, ask us the questions  
Like who's in the band, how we get started  
(Girl in the crowd screams-What about Grim Shady?)  
Bitch are you retarded?  
Anyway I'm the popularest guy in the group  
Big ass stomach, the ladies think I'm cute  
Then he told me to do sit ups to get buff  
I did two and a half and then I couldn't get up  
Forget this man, I'm outta this band  
I'm gonna start a group with the real Roxanne"  
**_

The rest of the group (including Grim) grab the half-orc. And he laughs singing…  
**_"Just kiddin' I'm in the hottest boy band in the world...  
DD-12!"  
_**(Grim Shady starts salsa singing as everyone else begins to dance)  
**_"I'm the lead singer of my band, I get all the girl's to take off their underpants  
And the lead singer of my band, my salsa  
Makes all the pretty girl's wanna dance  
My salsa, look out for my next single, it's called My Salsa...  
My salsa, salsa, salsa, salsa, my salsa  
Makes all the pretty girls wanna dance  
And take off their underpants  
My salsa makes all the pretty girls wanna dance  
And take off their underpants, my salsa"_**

The crowd began to throw gold pieces and everyone but Grim ran off stage.

Grim says as he looks around, "Where'd everybody go?"

BACK STAGE-

_With soft music Kuniva aka Linu says…_  
Shoot dog,  
Hahaha

_Swift_  
I jus told him.  
That Red Tiger, he goin' to far wit this stuff.  
He's doin' that crazy stuff I sure of it…..

_Kuniva_  
Uh What..?

_Swift(Tomi)_  
Bastards don't act like you don't know this group member.  
Mother of a Calminshite Whore!  
You know he talkin' that crazy ass shit.  
He goin' to far Man.

_DD-12 mumbling_

_Kon Artist_  
Man, It's sweet. It aint bad..

_DD-12 mumbelling_

_Proof_  
Aiy, Aiy, Aiy, Aiy, BIZZY!  
Bring yo' fat ass over here..  
Get your hairy ass, C'mere.

_The rest of the group starts laughing_

_Swift_  
Kick that shinnzle in here..

_Kuniva_  
Wanna Kick some shinnzle man?  
Turn the radio down dogg, turn the radio dog!

_Bizarre aka DTR walks in half dazed with stars around his head…_  
"My girlfriends in the Olympics, she'll be running track meets  
I'm lying, she's a paraplegic, she eats wit her feet'

_DD-12 laughing_  
Hahahahahaha

_Bizzare_  
The Fuck you laughin at?  
She'll be here next week.  
On a black sheep, wit 2 other Handicap Freaks.

_D12 laughing_

Yeah Haha.

That stuffs dope man,  
Write that down Kon Artist…

That was some crazy stuff dogg!

_D12 mumbelling_

That was crazy.  
That was crazy as hell to hear…

* * *

_AN- Just for the record, one of my best friends has been pushing D-12 music on me lately. They are hilarious (better than Eminem by himself not an Slim Shady fan>) Anywho, I borrow lyrics from My Band and American Psycho (my favorite song of theirs) and Fenthick sang 'As Time Goes By' from Casa Blanca to Ari. Awww. But it gets better...b-cuz I'm just plain nuts._

_Laterz._


	3. Act II Scene II

AN: Alright, this one is really off the wall. I'm sorry for my insanity but hey, it's fun writing crazy. Muhwawahahahaha. Okay, I'll get serious. I don't own nothing in this story. All rights reserved and all that hoo-hockey.

arrow maker- I never thought I could be influenced so easily. Maybe I'm just getting weak in my old age. LOL. (More Eminem lyrics in this on)

guan- I guess the entire hard drive (100gb) I have just for music is actually starting to pay off, huh. LOL. anyway thanks for the compliment. (P.S.- I'll finish writing something else soon.)

black sable- 1st, cool name even though it actually means dark color-dark color> LOL. Anywho, Aribeth is WAYYY OUT OF TUNE. That part was one of the first things I wrote, it so much fun messing with the henchmen, LOL.

Silver B- I'm more of a Progresso guy. LOL. Man but I've never written anything that I've laughed at as I wrote until I wrote this. (It's actually helping me edit my other stories, poor Light in the Darkness, I'll fix ya up)

Fomy- Sorry if I made people (your parents, mainly) think your going nuts. But my friend that came by will I was writing this chapter came over and heard me laugh from the front door. So, everyone thinks I'm going nuts. (smiley here)

Thanks for everyone's great reviews. I'm having so much fun writing this, as if you couldn't notice. Without any further adieu...

**Act II Scene II**

A half intoxicated Tomi stumbled into the Halls of Justice as his five group members looked at him with serious eyes.

Linu was the first to intervene, "Grin, I think you've got a prob…"

"I ain't gotz none problem," Tomi said pointing at one of the two Linu's he was trying to direct out of his way, "The only thing better than rocking the house is the AFTER PARTY, baby."

"There was no after party, half-breed," spat Sharwyn.

"I guess that you didn't stop by the Moonstone Mask, huh. Ophie does this thing with her…" Tomi slurred.

"TOMI!" screamed Linu, "If you don't stop this heavy drinking than we'll have to kick you out the band…"

Tomi grabbed a bottle and threw at Linu's head, who instinctively threw her elbow up and deflected off her forearm…

"Hey," said Cire as he stood up from his bedroll only to meet the butt end of the glass bottle and return to his slumber.

Grim said, "At least no one got hurt."

Daelen said, "Guys we have to get ready to find those things…ah Watermark creatures…"

Boddy shook his head, "No, Waterdooming creatures…"

"SHUT UP!" Screamed Tomi with his hands on his head, "I can't take this anymore. Halueth ghost man," than he noticed the bag of gold around Linu's waist.

"Don't even…" Linu said but it was too late, he'd grabbed the sack and was racing for the door…

Tomi sings

"Gotta keep  
One jump ahead of the breadline  
One swing ahead of the sword  
I steal only what I can't afford  
And THAT"S EVERYTHING"

Daelen took out his two-bladed sword and took a defensive stance in front of the doorway and said, "You're not getting out this way."

Tomi contihued to sing as he flipped into the air on a rafter that lead to a window quickly followed by Grim and Boddy…  
**_"One jump ahead of the lawmen  
That's all, and that's no joke  
These guys don't appreciate I'm broke"_**

Grim and Boddy running on the scaffold sing, "Riffraff! Street rat! Soundrel! Take that!" And Boddy shoot a lightning bolt that hit him in the butt.

"Ouch," scream Tomi as he tried to open the window, "Crap, it's locked."

Boddy and Grim were closing in on him….

Tomi- **_Just have a little gold eyes_**  
Sharwyn- **_Rip him open, take it back, guys  
_**Tomi- **_I can take a hint, gotta face the facts  
You're my only friend, Linu!  
_**Linu- **_Ah, Who?  
Oh that Tomi Grin's hit the bottom.  
He's become a one-man rise in crime  
I'd blame his God except he hasn't got one_**  
Tomi- **_Gotta Love to live, gotta steal to Love  
Tell you all about it when I got the time!_**

Tomi jumps from the plank as Grim and Boddy leap to grab him and lands on top of Sharwyn and knocks her unconscious. Tomi pushes himself up in a manner that Sharwyn would have killed him for and runs from the portal and sings…  
**_"One jump ahead of the slowpokes  
One skip ahead of my doom  
Next time gonna use a nom de plume  
One jump ahead of the hitmen  
One hit ahead of the flock  
I think I'll take a stroll around the block"_**

He goes to enter the portal but it doesn't activate…

"What the…" Tomi said as he noticed Linu cast some kind of containment spell. Tomi leaps into the air and flips three times and lands near the Chief Judge's room with his four capable band mates closing in and continues to sing…

Tomi- **_Let's not be too hasty  
_**Grim- **_I think his skin could get more pasty_**  
Tomi**- Gotta Love to live, gotta steal to Love  
Otherwise we'd get along  
**Daelen- **_Wrong!_**

Daelen dives for him and Tomi performs a ballerina twirl and the half-orc's head crashes through the door to reveal Ari and Fenthick on the desk of Olerff in a very compromised postion…  
Tomi- **_One jump ahead of the hoofbeats_**

Tomi kicks the door open….  
Linu- **_Vandal!_**  
Tomi-**_One hop ahead of the hump  
_**Linu- **_Street rat!_**  
Tomi-**_One trick ahead of disaster  
_**Linu-**_Scoundrel!  
_**Tomi-**_They're quick, but I'm much faster  
_**Linu throws an elf-cake at him as he leaps over the half nude bodies of Ari and Fenthick and opens the window-**_Take that!  
_**Tomi-**_Here goes, better throw my hand in wish me happy landin' and all I gotta do is_**

Tomi leaps from the window on soars to the ground as he sings…**_JUMMMP!_**

XOXOXO 

As he entered the door of the Moonstone Flask he flashed his new found wealth at the owner and gave her a quick, menacing wink…

Ophie says, "Mmmhh"

Tomi says to her, "Youready baby?"

And she responds, "Yeahh..."

"Yeah?"

With a half smile she says, "hahaha..Talk to me..."

"You want me to tell you somethin?"

"Uh huh..."

Tomi grabs her hands and looks into her eyes, "I know what you wanna hear...  
'Cuz I know you want me baby I think I want you too..."

"I think I love you, Tomi..." Ophie says as she grabs for the gold.

Tomi snatches the bag away and starts to sing...

**_"I think I love you too...  
I'm here to save you girl,  
Come be in Tomi's world,  
I wanna grow together,  
Let's let our love unfurl.  
You know you want me baby,  
You know I want you too,  
They call me Superman,  
I'm here to rescue you,  
I wanna save you girl,  
come be in Tomi's world..._**

Ophie says, "Oh boy you drive me crazy..."

Tomi tosses her hands away, "Witch you make me curl..."

Tomi begins to rap as he walks around in circles…  
_**"They call me Superman,  
Leap tall girls in a single bound,  
I'm single now,  
Got no ring on this finger, never crowned,  
I'll never let another chick bring me down,  
In a relationship, save it witch, babysit? you make me sick,  
Superman aint hearin it, girl you can jump on Tomi's stick**_

_**Straight from the hip, cut to the chase,  
I'll tell a mo'friggin pro to her face,  
Play no games, say no names, ever since I broke up with what's her face,  
I'm a different man, kiss my arse, kiss my lips, witch why ask?  
Kiss my , hit my cash, I'd rather have you whip my ass,  
Don't put out? I'll put you out,  
Won't get out? iIll push you out,  
Wouldn't piss on fire to put you out,  
Am I too nice to buy you ice,  
Witch if you died, wouldn't buy you life,  
What you tryin to be, my new wife?  
What you Mariah fly through twice,  
But I do know one thing though,  
Witches they come, they go,  
Saturday through Sunday, Monday,  
Monday through Sunday yo,  
Maybe I'll love you one day,  
Maybe we'll someday grow,  
Till then just sit your drunk ass on that friggin red chair, Oph..."**_

_**XOXOXO**_

"Aribeth," said Linu as the half dressed Paladin jumped off the Cleric, "Tomi stole all of our money. How are we going to save the city with no gold and no provisions…"

Aribeth quickly tossing on her armor as if she was well versed in the task, "Don't worry. Send out Grim and Boddy to find him. He's just at that whorehouse, I don't think he could spend all thatgold on women…"

"Are we talking about the same halfling," Linu said as she walked away to the two panting guys.

"What did (wheeze) Aribeth (wheeze) say," asked Boddy with his hands on his knees.

"She said that you two are supposed to find him…"

"Why (wheeze) us (wheeze) and not (wheeze) you?" asked Grim as he had his hands over his head.

"Cause I have to heal Shar and DTR. You guys let him get away anyway…"

"Na huhn" They said together.

"Yeah huh."

"Whatever…" said Grim.

"Well, a place like that Moonstone Mask is no place for a pretty elven lady like myself…"

"Not as a patron at least," laughed Grim, "Boddy let's roll. Get the horses, my brotha."

So the pair soon found themselves galloping across town…

"Man, I hungry," said Boddy

"I know man…" said Grim as he noticed a huge arch ahead of them.

"JAMAL IN THE BOX!" they exclaimed together.

Grim says, "B.K."

Boddy says, "Yeah?"

Grim says, "Let's go to the drive-thru."

They trot up to the speaker box that is speckling with magical energy and the Drive-thru guy mumbles…

Grim says, "Yeah, um...ah"

Drive-thru guy talks finally, "May I have your order?"

Grim looks at a shrugging Boddy and says, "Yeah, hold on a second, I'm lookin' at the menu"

Drive-thru guy says, "Okie dokie artichokie!"

Grim mumbles, "...ah l-"

Drive-thru guy says, "Would you like special curly fries?"

Grim screams, "Please, don't, don't offer me anything... I'll tell you what I want, alright. Um...ok...you know how you have the six-piece nuggets?"

Drive-thru guys says, " Yessir, six piece mcnuggets.

Grim speaks a bit lower, "Just, uh, can you give me just four nuggets? I'm, I'm tryin'to..."

Drive thru-guy says, "They come in six or twelve piece...do you want service?"

Grim screams, "Shut up and listen to my order. Take the six nuggets, and throw two of them away. I'm just wantin' a four-nugget thing. I'm tryin to watch my calorie intake to help my Ki.

Drive-thru guy says, "They come in six or twelve pieces sir..."

Grim screams as he hits the speaker box, "Put two of them up your ass, and give me four chicken mcnuggets. And then, uh, can I have a junior western bacon chee? A JUNIOR western bacon chee. I'm trying to watch my figure.

Drive-thru guy respons, "Western Bacon Cheeseburger..."

Grim says, "A JUNIOR Western Bacon Chee..."

Drive-thru guy says, "Would you like that with onions?"

Grim shouts, "No Onions!"

Drive-thru guy says, "Okay, Junior Bacon Chee...Total is sixteen gold…"

Grim continues, "Okay, and I'm gonna go with a fillet of fish sandwich, since that has less calories, 'cuz it's fish.

Drive-thru guy says, "Fillet of Fish..."

Grim rubs his throat, "Now if you could take a Cola, and just go half Cola, half Diet Cola...'cuz I'm tryin to watch my figure...Tryin to loose some of the weight.

Drive-thru guy says, "You want half Cola, half..."

Grim interrupts, "Um, and a SMALL, a SMALL Chocolate Shake. Because I'm tryin to watch my figure, not a large, a small.

Drive-thru guy says, "It come's in medium-small or medium-large."

Grim looks angrily at the box, "I'm sor..."

Drive-thru guy says, "Medium-Small Chocolate Shake."

Grim says, "Also a small seasoned-curlies"

Drive-thru guy says, "Seasoned-curlies..."

"Small, seasoned-curlies."

Drive-thru guy says, "Okay I got the small seasoned-curlies...western bacon cheeseburger..."

Grim hits the box three times as he says, "Okay, uh... what else? Give me, uh...alright. Cherries Jubilee and that's it."

"Cherries Jubilee?"

Grim looked over his shoulder, "Wait B.K., what do you want?

Boddy looks at the screen ineptly, "Ah...Jeez, let me have a...I think I want the regular, uh, western bacon-cheeseburger, Medium-large shake, um...

Grim screams, "Oh God! Come on with the order."

Boddy says, "I'm..."

Grim screams, again, "Taking forever."

"That's all I want. That's all I want..."

Grim shakes his head, "Good."

Drive-thru guy responds, "That'll be, uh, 42 gold pieces. At the window please, will you gallop up?"

Grim looks at Boddy, "Do you have any money?"

Boddy looks into his pack, "Oh shoot, um, oh god. Yeah, I got...do you have s...I got like..."

Grim grabbed for his gold bag, "Give it to me."

"Alright, here."

Grim shook his head, "Okay, we only have, uh...alright. I'm gonna need to cancel the last two things on the order. Okay, thank you, let's go."


	4. Act II Scene III

**_AN_**- I haven't update this in a long time but I have been writing a lot of other stuff so BACK OFF! Just kiddin'. This is kind of a short chapter…sorry. But it's funny and the next is nearly done also…so read it. READ IT. My loyal, blood thirsty fans…what would I do without you.

**_BlackSable_**- I fall on the florr writing parts of it so I can understand…it's harder to write from the floor than to read from it by the way.

**_Firilya_**- I'm always at kid movies too…and I'm loud at movies too..I almost got kicked out of The Incredibles. But Jack-Jack is so funny.

**_ArrowMaker_**- HotU? Yeah, I should huh, I actually have some ideas already for it.

**_Guan_**- Tomi is just fun to write… it's too easy sometimes. Nasher gets his in the chapter. HEHEHEHE.

**_Fomy_**- No Fenthick in this one. Sorry. But Daelen gets arrested…you should like that. –Looks around confused- Okay, that's not good but they all get arrested so it works out.

So here's what you all wanted…

Act II Scene III 

Grimgnaw and Boddy traveled across the town looking for the elusive Halfling until they got feed up…so five minutes after their attempt to get some grub at Jamal In The Box… and entered the Trade of Blades Looking for something anything. So they did what any self-respecting monk and gnomish treasure seeker did…they got wasted.

The bartender looked at the drunk pair and knew they had a few too many pints and said, "I'm cutting you two off."

"I'll…kick…your…ah…Grimmy," Boddy said sway in his chair.

"Yeah Bro…" Grimgnaw said.

"I thinks…we need…to hand…le this," Boddy said as he cast a Storm spell (I know that doesn't exist…but whatever) that cause the roof of the building to fly off.

The bartender shook his head and called for his bouncers, "I knew you guys had a bad reputation but…"

"I don't give a damn about my bad reputation," Grimgnaw said as he stood up a punch the biggest of the four bouncer square in the nose, shattering it into pieces.

"Do you hear that?" Boddy asked as the music started from nowhere, "It's fight moo-sic…cool." Boddy said as he pushed over an oversized keg of ale filling the bar with alcohol and he began to sing as he ran from a bouncer…

"**_I don't give a damn about my reputation  
You're living in the past, it's a new generation"_**

Grimgnaw, after slipping in the cocktail surf, stood covered in foams as a bouncer grabbed him. He slipped out of the grasp using his slick new foams and kick him in his side and sang…

"**_Hey, I'm cruel…I can do what I want to do  
And that's what I'm gonna do"_**

Grimgnaw quickly dodged a slow hook aimed at his head and countered with punch in the gut of the bouncer. The bouncer was unphased. "Abs of Steel Grimmy…"

"No one calls me Grimmy…" Grimgnaw said as he punched the taller guy in the center of his chest…right in the cartilage forming the ribcage.

"I'll kill you," screamed the bouncer as he broaden his stance and began to focus his energy.  
Boddy jump over several tables in an attempt to get away from the big, bad bouncers and said, "Dudes, ya'll can't take a joke?"

The bouncers stopped and looked at one another and said in unison, "Nope."

Boddy dove under a jukebox…way too big for the bouncer to get under. He also knew that they couldn't break it since the owner was still making payments for it.

"Ha ha, you can't get me," he said and began to sing…

"**_And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation  
Oh no  
No, no, no, no, no, no, no  
Not me  
Me, me, me, me, me, me"_**

Grim rushed to bouncer as he was powering up for a devastating attack. Grim struck the bouncer quickly with two blows to the head a quick straight kick in the abs again. Nothing. He continued his assault. Nothing.

"Ka…Meh…" The bouncer shouted out as his Ki energy began raising to epic levels.

Boddy laid flat waiting for the bouncer to look under the jukebox and of course the dumber of the bouncer's eye was meet with Boddy's index finger.

"Haha…" Boddy laughed at his creative fighting technique and sang out…

**_"And I don't give a damn about my reputation  
I never said I wanted to improve my station  
And I'm only feeling good when I'm having fun  
And I don't have to please no one"_**

"Yeh…Meh…" The bouncer continued as Grim stopped his barrage of attacks and decided it was a good time to find a hiding place. He ran and jumped over the bar.

"Can't touch me," he teased the now glowing bouncer.

Boddy pulled out his mase potion and tossed it in the face of the crouching bouncer and slid from under the jukebox and was meet with a towering bouncer large fist coming to his face. Without thinking twice he kicked the bouncer between his legs causing the muscle ripped bouncer to cower over on top of his companion.

He sang as he ran over to Grim…

**_"And I don't give a damn about my reputation  
I've never been afraid of any deviation  
And I don't really care if I'm strange  
I ain't gonna change _**

And I'm never gonna care about my bad reputation  
Oh no  
No, no, no, no, no, no, no  
Not me  
Me, me, me, me, me, me  
Oh no  
No, no, no, no, no, no, no  
Not me  
Me, me, me, me, me, me  
Break it down"

"YAAAAAH!" Screamed the bouncer as a huge blast of energy flew out toward the hiding monk.

Boddy quickly grabbed the shoulders of the bouncer and spun him around and poke both of eyes with his middle and index fingers and said, "Take that." The bouncer spun around, bloody eyed to see the figure of the monk pop up from the bar.

"A monk is always prepared," Grim said and pulled out a mirror which reflected the blast back at the bouncer.

"…Damn you…" said the bouncer as he took the blast straight on and blew up into smithereens leaving only his shadow on the floor.

Grim and Boddy clapped hands as they leaned over the counter and said, "We don't give a…"

Out of nowhere the bartender with a pair of cheap bottles of wine hit them over their heads with all his might.

"…Damn…" they said as they crumbled onto the counter…motionless.

**_XOXOXO  
_**Aribeth stood in front of the three heroes and said, "Guys, we need to get these creatures…check every bath house, tree house, whore house…"  
"Really?" said Sharwyn with a raised eyebrow.  
Aribeth ignored the comment, "Tomi must also be found… we need the gold for our mission…"  
Linu looked shamefaced at Aribeth as she said, "There was no gold…not much any way…Selune told me I needed a new mace so I…"

Daelen shook his head, "Patience is a virtue."

"Huh," Linu said, "It's really good… the shop owner said it was owned by Haggar the Barbarian…it must be good."  
"Wasn't he bludgeon to death by his own weapon?" Sharwyn asked.

"I believe that's the tale yes. Why do you ask?" Linu said.

Aribeth grabbed the golden mace and prayed over it quickly. A countless number of demons flew out of it saying, "EEVVVILLL….EVILLLLL."

"Oh," Linu said as she grabbed it back, "We could have been in a little debacle, huh guys."  
Sharwyn and Daelen looked at one another with emotionless face.

"Let's go find some creature," cried out Linu as she rushed the door and tossed it open. Unfortunately Lord Nasher was coming to enter the Halls of Justice at the wrong time and was meet with full force of the door knocking him unconscious. Out of nowhere a Cleric casts a 'Bless' spell on him and runs away laughing. Linu didn't noticed and continued to run down the streets of the City Core, mace in one hand and potions in the other…she'd need them. Sharwyn and Daelen decided to follow her at a safe distance.

"This is going to be a long mission," said Daelen as he put his arm around Sharwyn's shoulder.

A guard noticed this and quickly ran over wielding a great sword and pointed it at the two, "Stop there you two."

They did as he said since they had no weapons thanks to Linu.

"Prostitution is an arrestable offense…"  
"Prostitut…" said Sharwyn as she looked at her clothing. Nothing special. It was red though…that seemed to be the favoured color of woman of the street. "I'm no…"

"I've gotten complaints about you. I know what you are…just admit it."

"I'm no…"  
"A confession," the guard said as he cuffed them together and lead them away.

XOXOXO 

Ophala tossed the light weight halfling out of her establishment into the pouring rain with one hand as she said, "And I don't ever want to see you in here again. I want my panties back too," Tomi grabbed at his belt, "After you wash them…sick-o."

Tomi shrugged his shoulders, "She must have gotten her monthly visitor." And he turned around he saw the cleric of Selune running full speed toward him. He had to do something quick. "I'll hide in the shadows," he said to himself and disappeared into the shadows right beside the door.

Linu came running and tossed open the door.

Tomi flipped over quickly and his back took the grunt of the slam, "Jeez…" he started to say and covered his mouth.

"Tomi?" Linu said in his direction. She turned and looked right at him but saw nothing.

_That was close_, he thought. Then without notice the cleric whipped around and hit him dead in the head.

"Damn…" he said.

"I knew I heard you," Linu said as she grabbed him.

Tomi thought quick since he was trying to avoid the wrath of a paladin, "Have you heard?"

"Heard what?"  
"Chicken butt."

Linu laughed, "That's a good one…you ready to go find those creatures."

"Not really…I'm not into adventuring in the rain…"

"I don't like the rain much either but when it's raining…" the music began.

"Not a song." Tomi said, "This one isn't even gonna be sung by me."

"You just step back and start singing," Linu said and began to sing…

"_**I'm singing in the rain  
Just singing in the rain  
What a glorious feeling  
I'm happy again  
I'm laughing at clouds  
So dark up above  
The sun's in my heart  
And I'm ready for love  
For love  
Let the stormy clouds chase  
Everyone from the place  
Come on with the rain  
I've a smile on my face  
I'll walk down the lane  
With a happy refrain  
Singing, singing in the rain  
In the rain.  
**_

Tomi interrupted, "You never had any formal musical training."

"No…you can notice?"

"Everyone can notice," he said and she finished her song…

_**  
"La... **_

I'm singing in the rain  
Just singing in the rain  
What a glorious feeling  
I'm happy again  
I walk down the lane  
With a happy refrain  
I'm singing, singing in the rain  
In the rain  
In the rain"

"See you just sing in the rain and everything gets better," Linu said as she turned around and was meet with the piercing eyes of a guard.

"Ma'am," he said forcefully, "This is a no singing zone…I'm going to have to ask both of you to come with us."

"But I didn't do nothing," explained Tomi.

"We're the piano music come from…nowhere…this isn't a musical." The guard said and lead them to the prison district.


	5. Act II Scene IV

**_AN_**- Lots of stuff I have to credit in this chapter… I Will Survive… I have no idea who wrote the song but I stole the jail scene from The Replacements… I'm Mad (Are We There Yet) is from the greatest cartoon show of all time, The Animaniacs… I WILL have more songs from them also… that song was written by Roger Rogel… and Be Prepared is from the Lion King for those of you who don't know… and you all should. I have some crazy ideas in this chapter… the biggest is the riddling Intellect Devourer. The unanswered riddle is that it was stuck on the chicken's foot. My 'faithful' reviewers… I'm not a review Nazi but come on… I've been threaten, beaten, stalked and had burning dog-doo sent to my house for not updating this and I'm doing it… kay.

**_Firilya_**- I wish that was a fighting style in the game too. The guards should be trying to save the city but hey, in the game they just get in the way so I thought that in the musical they'd be even less useful. :-), I'm glad that you (the only person that didn't threaten to kill me) reviewed it. Thanks, I'll have to give you something… maybe a hug. (hugs) there, know read this chapter. :-).

**Act II Scene IV**

The sound of a single harmonica rang over the cell where our six heroes (and yes heroines too, Sharwyn) idly wasted away there precious time.

"Boddy," Sharwyn said with her teeth clenched, "I swear if you don't stop playing that damn… thing… no proctologist will be able to retrieve it."

Boddy ignored the comment and continued to play.

"Just leave my boy alone," Grim said as he did one handed push-ups, "If you don't I'll see that you meet my Lord…"

"Of Death," Daelen finished the threat, "Two Hundred thirty one… two hundred thirty two," he said pointing at the wall.

"What th' hell ya doin'?" Tomi asked as he rolled off of his cot.

"Counting the bricks… it's an Uthgardt meditation technique."

"You guys can't ev'n figure out how ta shave," Tomi said, "But ya can d'velop meditat'ns…what a backwards so'ciety."

Daelen clenched his fist and took a sharp step toward the Halfling but was stopped by Linu's soft hands. "Come on guys… let's make the most out of this situation."

"And what would you suggest," Sharwyn said wanting to watch the Halfling get beaten in a pulp, "Perhaps we should pray?"

"That's such a great idea… I'll start." Linu said.

"Oh God you've got her started." Boddy said then returned to playing.

"I said I was STARTING!" Linu said with thunder under her tongue. Quiet filled the room… even Boddy's playing,

"Hail, Holy Queen, Mother of Mercy, our life, our sweetness and our hope.  
To thee we cry, poor banished children of Eve.  
To thee do we send up our sighs, mourning and weeping in this valley of tears.  
Turn then most gracious advocate, thine eyes of mercy towards us,"

Linu looked up, "Did you hear her?"

"No," Sharwyn said.

"She's her," Linu said reaching her hands up.

"I think you're…" Tomi started to say but was silenced by an invisible power.

"Your Goddess must be powerful to silence the noisy one," said Grim as he stood up in partial reverence.

"Oh she is… what's that Milady," Linu said to the still air, "I will do as you command." Linu fell to her knees as the presence that filled the room left. "I have it… she has spoken to me."

"Tell us what she said," Boody said.

"It better not be another song," Tomi said checking to make sure the Elven Goddess hadn't done anything to his voice.

"As a matter of fact…" Linu said as she stood up and faint music began behind her.

"**_At first I was afraid.  
I was petrified.  
I kept thinking I could never live  
Without you by my side.  
But then I spent so many nights  
Just thinking how you'd done me wrong.  
I grew strong.  
I learned how to get along."_**

Sharwyn started to smile, "I think I know this one…" and she sang with the cleric.

**_"And so you're back from outer space.  
I just walked in to find you here  
Without that look upon your face.  
I should have changed my stupid lock.  
I would have made you leave your key  
If I'd have known for just one second  
You'd be back to bother me. _**

Oh now go.  
Walk out the door.  
Just turn around now.  
You're not welcome anymore.

**_Weren't you the one  
Who tried to break me with desire?  
Did you think I'd crumble?  
Did you think I'd lay down and die?  
Oh not i."_**

Daelen and Boddy joined in…

"_**I will survive.  
As long as I know how to love  
I know I'll be alive.  
I've got all my life to live.  
I've got all my love to give.  
I will survive.  
I will survive."  
**_

Grim looked around and through his hands up, "How's this helping?"

"Just try it," Linu said.

"Sure… what do I have lose dignity?" Grim started to sing…

**_"It took all the strength I had  
Just not to fall apart.  
I'm trying hard to mend  
The pieces of my broken heart.  
And I spent oh so many nights  
Just feeling sorry for myself.  
I used to cry.  
But now I hold my head up high."_**

Everyone looked at Tomi.

Tomi said, "I ain't singin' that corny song…Let me out! Guards…they're all singin'… GUARDS!"

The five began to sing some more…

**_"And you'll see me with somebody new.  
I'm not that stupid little person  
Still in love with you.  
And so you thought you'd just drop by,  
And you expect me to be free.  
But now I'm saving all my lovin'  
For someone who's lovin' me. _**

Oh now go.  
Walk out the door.  
Just turn around now.  
You're not welcome anymore.  
Weren't you the one  
Who tried to break me with desire?  
Did you think I'd crumble?  
Did you think I'd lay down and die?  
Oh not i.

I will survive.  
As long as I know how to love  
I know I'll be alive.  
I've got all my life to live.  
I've got all my love to give.  
I will survive."

Tomi touched the door and it swung open.

"GUYS!"

"_**I will survive."**_

"GUYS… THE DOOR…"

"_**I will survive."**_

"GUYS… WE CAN GO…"

"_**I will survive!"**_

"Hey… WE'RE FREE."

They all looked around as the music began to fade.

Sharwyn smiled and said, "We'll tell no one about this little debacle… we wouldn't want to here bard songs about us being imprisoned without a lock."

_**XOXOXO**_

Our heroes were now freed, and without any guards around, it would only require a little direction to get out of the prison…

"It's this way…" Daelen pointed as the group sat on the ground… "Come on we gotta get out of here."

The music begins as the barbarian clears his throat…

"**_Get up! It's late!_**

_**It's twenty minutes after eight**_

_**Everyone get up; it's time to go**_

_**Up and at 'em now**_

_**Come on; shake a leg**_

_**Have some juice and scrambled egg**_

_**On the floor and out the door**_

_**Let's get on our way."**_

Grim and Sharwyn stand up andas they head forward down the prison they start arguing…

Shar said, **_"Hey, watch out!"_**

Grim said, **_"What's the matter?"_**

"_**You almost knocked me off the ladder."**_

"_**No I didn't"**_

Shar : **_"Yes you did; I almost fell'_**

Grim: **_"Don't exaggerate."_**

"_**I'm not"**_

"_**Yeah, right"**_

"_**Are you trying to pick a fight?"**_

"_**Will you get out of my face!"**_

Shar said, **_"Well, you're always in my space"_**

Daelen steps in between the fighting pair and sings, **_"Hey get off each other's case_**

_**Because we're trying to get along."**_

Boddy looks in pack and sees just old bread and sings…

"_**I want pancakes**_

_**Or a waffle**_

_**This tastes awful**_

_**Is that all we've got?**_

_**Can't find my clothes**_

_**And I need to blow my nose**_

_**And my socks are full holes**_

_**And my shoelace has a knot."**_

Daelen sings to everyone

"_**Alright now that's enough**_

_**Everybody get your stuff**_

_**Because we're going out the door."**_

And with that the music stopped as they came face to face with a weird creature.

"Howdy y'all," the little beast said with a drag in his voice.

"Huh…" Daelen said.

"I see ya must be the brains of the outfit," the beast said.

Sharwyn said calmly in Daelen's ear, "That's an Intellect Devourer… their dangerous little buggers… I believe it's one of the missing creatures."

"So," the devourer said leaning on his elbows… I think they are elbows, "How 'bout we have a wee bit o' fun?"

"Sure," Daelen said, "What's your game?"

"Riddles… y'all up for it?"

Daelen shook his head, "What's the wager?"

"Your brain for my brain… alright."

"Alright… best of five." Daelen said and prepared his mind for the coming brain teaser.

"How can you avoid hitting your fingers when driving in a nail with a hammer?" the devourer asked.

Daelen scratched his head and looked at the group.

Boddy's eyes flared with life, "I know, I know… **Hold the hammer with both hands."**

**"Correct," the devourer said coldly, "One, love… next riddle… **Why did the bubble gum cross the road?"

"To get to the other side," Sharwyn said.

"Wrong. Pretty face but not much brains on that one," the devourer said.

"Ya can say that a'gain," Tomi said and dodge a quick slap aimed at his face by the bard.

"One to one… next riddle… What walks on 4 legs in the morning, 2 legs in the afternoon, and 3 legs in the evening?" The devourer asked.

Linu quickly said, " I know this one, my mother back home told me about the origin of this riddle. The great Wizard-King…"  
"This ain't Jeopardy." The devourer spat.

"Oh sorry… I guess never got to answer a riddle before…** A man - crawls as a baby, then walks on 2 feet, then uses a cane (3 legs) as an old man.**

"Right… two to one… next riddle… What 5 letter word can have its last 4 letters removed and still sound the same?"

No one could figure this one out and the devourer said, "BUZZ…out of time… **QUEUE, remove "UEUE", say Q. Q and queue are pronounced the same. Hahaha… stupid adventurers…"**

**"It's two to two, we can still beat you," Daelen said.**

**"Okay get this one right and you get me…** Who makes it, has no need of it. Who buys it, has no use for it. Who uses it can neither see nor feel it?"

"This is a tough one…" Daelen said scratching his chin.

"Coffin." Grim said coldly, "The maker doesn't need it cause he has meet the Silent Lord… you buy it for your dead loved one, who meet my Silent Lord of Death and when you use it… you're dead… hopefully."

"Damn…damn, damn, damn," the devourer said, "It's not fair… it's six to one… I thought we said win by two… I can't… hey what the hell is that, is that Drizzt?"

Everyone turned and the smart little creature started to make a run for it.

Boddy pulled out his rope and twirled it around, "Not on my range little var-mint." And he tossed the rope with distinguished accuracy wrapping it around his target. "Gotcha."

"Good toss," Sharwyn congratulated.

"I can use it for more than just hog-tying… ya know."

"Are trying to come on to me?" Sharwyn asked.

"No… I don't…maybe… would you?"

"I'm flattered but…you're not really my type. How much money do make by the way?" Sharwyn asked.

"I'm not really… into it for the money…"  
"Than it's a hell no… sorry, hon." Sharwyn said as they found their Stone of Recalls and returned to their general.

_**XOXOXO**_

Deep under the Temple of Tyr stood lines of 'Helmites' ready and prepared for the addressing of their leader. He wouldn't make them wait long.

"Now," Desther said over the quiet clerics, "with Nasher out of the way everything is going just as planned…"  
Flinchy, one of the younger less bright (IQ- 2.5) said, "What are we going to do, take him soup?"

"No fool," Desther said, "We're going to let the plague kill him… and Ari too."

"Good plan," Sneaky, a female cleric with a quick wit but not much mental power either said, "Who needs a Lord?"

The two along with their 'silent partner', Ed sang, "No Lord, no lord, tralalalala."

"There will be a Lord…" Desther said.

"But you said," Flinchy said.

"I will be Lord. Stick with me and you'll never be broke again."  
"Long live the Lord," Sneaky screamed.

The rest of the clerics joined in, "Long live the Lord, long live the Lord."

Desther began to sing…

"_**I never thought Clerics were essential**_

_**They're crude and unspeakably plain**_

_**But maybe they've a glimmer of potential**_

_**If allied to my vision and brain**_

_**I know that your powers of retention**_

_**Are as wet as a warthog's backside**_

_**But thick as you are, pay attention**_

_**My words are a matter of pride**_

_**It's clear from your vacant expressions**_

_**The lights are not all on upstairs**_

_**But we're talking kings and successions**_

_**Even you can't be caught unawares**_

_**So prepare for a chance of a lifetime**_

_**Be prepared for sensational news**_

_**A shining new era**_

_**Is tiptoeing nearer"**_

Flinchy interrupted asking…

"_**And where do we feature?"**_

Desther continued singing…

"_**Just listen to teacher**_

_**I know it sounds sordid**_

_**But you'll be rewarded**_

_**When at last I am given my dues**_

_**And injustice deliciously squared**_

_**Be prepared!"**_

Clerics sang out in joy…

_**"It's great that we'll soon be connected**_

_**With a king who'll be all-time adored"**_

Desther began to sing their instructions…

"_**Of course, quid pro quo, you're expected**_

_**To take certain duties on board**_

_**The future is littered with prizes**_

_**And though I'm the main addressee**_

_**The point that I must emphasize is**_

_**You won't get a sniff without me!**_

_**So prepare for the coup of the century**_

_**Be prepared for the murkiest scam**_

_**Meticulous planning**_

_**Tenacity spanning**_

_**Decades of denial**_

_**Is simply why I'll**_

_**Be king undisputed**_

_**Respected, saluted**_

_**And seen for the wonder I am**_

_**Yes, my teeth and ambitions are bared**_

_**Be prepared!"**_

The Clerics sang as the music and scene fade out…

**_"Yes, our teeth and ambitions are bared -_**

_**Be prepared!"**_


End file.
